Relationships in Recovery - Romantic Relationships

How to Deal with an Avoidant Attachment Style


Avoidant attachment is a real psychological condition, and one that can bleed into all aspects of life. Learn more about this attachment style and how to deal with it.

An avoidant attachment style can affect plenty of aspects of life, creating relationship struggles, suppressing your emotions, and often reflecting deep-rooted trust issues. But with a bit of work and professional support, you can overcome those barriers and release yourself of those pressures. Learn more about avoidant attachment, how to manage it, and how it can impact the recovery journey.

What Is Avoidant Attachment?

Avoidant attachment is a psychological condition characterized by a pattern of emotional detachment and reluctance to form close relationships. Individuals with this disorder often suppress their emotions and avoid seeking comfort or support from others.

Avoidant attachment is classified as a type of insecure attachment in developmental psychology, stemming from early experiences of inconsistent caregiving or neglect. This attachment style can significantly impact interpersonal relationships and emotional well-being, making it essential to seek support and therapy to address underlying issues and develop healthier attachment patterns. 

How Does Avoidant Attachment Manifest In Relationships And Personal Behavior?

Avoidant attachment manifests in relationships and personal behavior through various patterns and behaviors:

Emotional Detachment: Individuals with avoidant attachment tend to suppress their emotions and avoid expressing vulnerability in relationships. They may appear emotionally distant or aloof, making it challenging for others to connect with them on an emotional level.

Fear of Intimacy: Avoidant individuals often have a deep-seated fear of intimacy and closeness. They may resist getting too close to others or forming deep emotional bonds, fearing that they will be hurt or rejected.

Difficulty Trusting Others: Due to past experiences of emotional neglect or inconsistency, avoidant individuals may have difficulty trusting others. They may be skeptical of others' intentions and hesitant to rely on them for support.

Avoidance of Commitment: Avoidant individuals may avoid committing to long-term relationships or responsibilities, preferring to maintain their independence and autonomy. They may fear feeling trapped or suffocated in a committed relationship.

Dismissive Attitudes: Some individuals with an avoidant attachment may adopt dismissive attitudes towards relationships and emotions. They may downplay the importance of emotional connection and prioritize self-reliance above all else.

Difficulty Expressing Needs: Avoidant individuals may struggle to express their needs and desires in relationships, fearing rejection or judgment. They may prioritize self-sufficiency and independence, even at the expense of their emotional well-being.

Overall, avoidant attachment can significantly impact relationships and personal behavior, leading to challenges in forming and maintaining healthy, fulfilling connections with others. 

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Individuals with an avoidant attachment style often struggle with forming close relationships and managing emotions, leading them to seek coping mechanisms like substance use to alleviate emotional distress.

Escaping Emotional Pain: Avoidant individuals may turn to substances such as alcohol or drugs to numb emotional pain and alleviate feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Self-Medication: Substance use may serve as a form of self-medication for avoidant individuals, temporarily relieving symptoms of anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem associated with their attachment style.

Social Lubricant: Substances can act as a social lubricant for avoidant individuals, helping them feel more comfortable in social situations and reducing inhibitions that hinder social interactions.

Avoidance of Intimacy: Substance use can provide a temporary escape from the discomfort of intimacy and emotional vulnerability, allowing avoidant individuals to maintain emotional distance from others.

Cyclical Pattern: Over time, reliance on substances to cope with avoidant attachment can lead to a cycle of dependency and exacerbate feelings of isolation, further perpetuating the need for substance use as a coping mechanism.

Strategies for Managing Avoidant Attachment

Managing an avoidant attachment style can be challenging, but there are strategies to help individuals navigate their attachment style and build healthier relationships:

Therapy and Counseling

Engage in therapy or counseling to explore underlying attachment issues, address maladaptive patterns, and develop coping strategies for managing avoidant tendencies.

Mindfulness and Self-Awareness

Practice mindfulness techniques to become more aware of your emotions and behaviors, allowing you to identify and address avoidant patterns as they arise.

Communication Skills Training

Learn effective communication skills to express your needs and emotions more openly and assertively in relationships, fostering deeper connections with others.

Gradual Exposure

Gradually expose yourself to situations that trigger avoidance or discomfort, allowing you to confront and overcome your fears in a supportive and controlled manner.

Building Supportive Relationships

Surround yourself with supportive individuals who understand and accept you for who you are, providing a safe space to express yourself and receive validation and support.

Self-Compassion and Self-Care

Practice self-compassion and self-care activities to nurture your emotional well-being and cultivate a positive relationship with yourself, reducing reliance on external validation.

Setting Boundaries

Establish healthy boundaries in relationships to protect your emotional needs and boundaries while also respecting the boundaries of others, fostering mutual respect and understanding.

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Therapeutic Approaches to Modify Avoidant Attachment

Modifying avoidant attachment involves therapeutic interventions aimed at addressing underlying attachment issues, and fostering healthier relationship patterns. Here are some therapy types you may experience if you’re managing avoidant attachment:

Attachment-Based Therapy

Engage in attachment-based therapy to explore early attachment experiences, challenge negative beliefs, and develop more secure attachment patterns through therapeutic interventions.

Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT)

Participate in EFT to enhance emotional awareness, regulation, and expression, facilitating deeper emotional connections and intimacy in relationships.

Schema Therapy

Undergo schema therapy to identify and challenge maladaptive schemas or core beliefs underlying avoidant attachment, fostering more adaptive coping strategies and relational patterns.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Utilize cognitive behavioral therapy techniques to reframe negative thought patterns, address avoidance behaviors, and develop more positive and realistic perceptions of self and others.

Experiential Therapies

Explore experiential therapies such as art therapy, psychodrama, or equine therapy to access and process emotions in a nonverbal and experiential manner, promoting emotional healing and growth.

Group Therapy

Participate in group therapy sessions with peers who share similar attachment struggles, providing opportunities for mutual support, validation, and learning new relational skills.

Mindfulness-Based Interventions

Practice mindfulness-based interventions to cultivate present-moment awareness, acceptance, and compassion, reducing emotional reactivity and promoting attunement in relationships.

Interpersonal Skills Training

Receive interpersonal skills training to improve communication, assertiveness, and conflict resolution skills, enhancing relational functioning and satisfaction.

Seeking therapeutic support is a crucial step in modifying avoidant attachment patterns and fostering healthier relationships. Edge Treatment Center offers specialized therapeutic interventions and support to empower individuals on their journey toward healing and relational growth.

Get the Support You Need to Manage Avoidant Attachment

An avoidant attachment style can disrupt many aspects of life, from your emotional health to your closest relationships – but with help, you can work through any underlying issues that are driving your distrust. At The Edge Treatment Center, we offer tailored mental health support and to help you overcome avoidant attachment patterns and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Reach out to us today to discover how we can support you toward healing and relational growth.

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If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, there is hope. Our team can guide you on your journey to recovery. Call us today.

Written by


The Edge Treatment Center

Reviewed by

jeremy-arztJeremy Arzt

Chief Clinical Officer

Relationships in Recovery

Romantic Relationships

July 3, 2024


Frequently Asked Questions

Avoidant attachment is characterized by a desire to remain independent and emotionally distant. Individuals with this style may avoid deep emotional connections and appear aloof or overly self-reliant.

Yes, individuals with avoidant attachment may use substances as a way to cope with emotional distress or to maintain distance from others.

Using empathetic communication techniques, such as "I" statements, can help avoid triggering defensiveness and encourage open dialogue​​. It disarms them from them feeling attacked by you and makes them more ready to connect.

Therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy and schema therapy are effective in addressing the root causes of avoidant attachment and helping individuals develop healthier ways of connecting with others​​.

Recovery centers can offer tailored therapy sessions, support groups, and educational programs that help individuals understand their attachment style and learn healthier coping mechanisms.